A Decade Too Soon

As I was praying about my theme for 2020 I was reminded of my theme for 2010. Back then I didn’t have much spiritual depth, but pink was the color of the year and I was doing Esther prep which is actually very similar to what I am doing now. 🙃 The main difference between these two instances is that the spirit has been building me up to this set of goals over 2019, but in 2010 I was trying to force something that I felt should be happening in my life. God has brought me full circle!

Lord, thank you for your patience and mercy. I am sorry for the many times I have failed to trust in you and your timing. I humbly ask for you to give me the strength I need each day to work toward becoming the woman you want me to be this year and the persistance to begin and begin again. Amen.

Happy New Year! 2020

Clarity of Vision 2020

A new year, a clean slate and a wonderful opportunity to better myself.

The past few days I’ve been praying for direction and focus for this new year. God has put it on my heart to review my current lifestyle and compare it to the one I have been praying for. He has revealed where I have been acting in fear instead of trust and is challenging me to change unhealthy habits. It’s a lot to tackle but the goal is to be a little bit better and do a little more than the day before. Over time these little changes will bring me closer to being the best version of myself and more importantly the woman God desires me to be.

Have a blessed 2020 everyone!

Anna

Your Heart Will Catch Up

My prized purchase from Youmacon yesterday! 😀

In Fuse: Memoirs of a Hunter Girl Shino takes Hamaji to a shop to purchase a kimono and accessories as a thank you for saving his life. Hamaji was raised in the mountain and never had lovely things. Her response to seeing the beautiful kimono that the shopkeeper picked out was “It wouldn’t suit me. Theres no way that it would.” Shino encouraged her to try it on before deciding and the shop keeper added, “Keep developing until it suits you.”

Once she tried it on she was still not convinced. The shopkeeper assured her, “It suits you well enough. Your heart will catch up soon.”

A video I recently watched talked about how low self esteem can prevent you from receiving the gifts God has for you. The video gave me pause. I have had a variety of self confidence issues that popped up in different ways over the years.

I was like Hamaji. I would reject whatever I didn’t think suited me. I felt inferior, like a second class woman and unworthy of pretty things.

Something that was personally hard to learn was the difference between humility and low self esteem. Humility is knowing your worth, but thinks more of others than self. Low self esteem is thinking you’re worthless or inferior and rates others more highly than self.

Little by little God has been healing me and I’ve developed into a woman confident and beautiful enough to wear this lovely kanzashi with pride.

Dear Lord Jesus, thank you for healing my mind and my heart. Thank you for opening my eyes to see that good things are prevented from coming in my life with disordered thinking. Please continue to put my house in order that I may become the woman you desire me to be. I ask this in Jesus’s name. Amen.

Taking Time for Tea

Tonight’s talk at youth group was on St. Teresa of Calcutta or Mother Teresa as she’s more commonly known. Mother Teresa served the poor and dying on the streets of Calcutta, India for over 40 years.

My days are so busy, how did she have time to do that? Her schedule was quite surprising. Wake up 4:30am, go to mass. Have breakfast and wash dishes for an hour and a half, go out to the streets for 4 hours, come back for lunch. Enjoy lunch for an hour, wash dishes and allow time to digest by reading. Then have tea. Next she go back our for another 3-4 hours, have dinner, have recreation time with other sisters, spend an hour in prayer and go to bed. The speaker pointed out that the day was structured to provide rest and as you can’t give what you don’t have that is why the day begins and ends with prayer. How could she be Christ to so many others if she didn’t put Him first in her day? How could she see to the wellbeing or needs of others if she wasn’t looking after her own wellbeing or household first? As a busy person this gave me pause.

I have a tendency to pour from an empty cup. I forego my needs and wants and of my household to see that others are taken care of. Self denial in moderation is a spiritually beneficial thing. Excessive self denial is spiritally, physically and emotionally destructive.

When I was over extended last year, I prayed to learn balance, but it didn’t happen. Now that I am removed from that stressful time, God is teaching me situation by situation how to set healthy boundaries and respect my limits so I am able to do more of the work He has called me to do. It’s really a change to be able to look at my to-dos and activities with a discerning eye and be able to prioritize or eliminate items without remorse.

Balance is going to be my theme for the week. Two things I want to work on are designated morning prayer, and spiritual reading after lunch. As a tea party enthusiast I’d also like to have “Tea” every day but my work lunches are only an hour… So I’ll keep thinking on it. 😉

Dear heavenly Father I thank you for the shining life and example of your daughter St. Teresa of Calcutta. I thank You for wisdom and practicality she was able to leave us with. I thank You for teaching me balance and allowing me to see where improvement is needed. I ask that you bless my efforts to bring balance to my mornings and rejuvenate my mind after lunch. I ask this in Jesus’s name. Amen