Been feeling really down as of late. I feel like I’m just spinning my wheels with art and life in general. To be honest, I never expected my life to remain the same for so long. No wedding ring, no kids, no job with a living wage, no manga volumes, no proficiency with Japanese, no trip to Japan… Some people think that change is the worst possible thing, but it really isn’t – staying the same is.
Last night I located one of my oldest surviving drawings from 2002 and realized I have made a lot of progress since then – albeit very slow.
Slow. Everything I do is slow. A lot of trial and error, indecision, doubt, impatience, procrastination, fear, regret, frustration, anger, self pity, envy, obligation – is it any wonder I feel like I went through a major battle when I finish a drawing?
Anyways, this is what I have been working on this year to help me become a better artist and person.
- I have taken responsibility for my decisions regarding my schooling.
- I have started shedding years of layered dishonesty to myself regarding my artwork.
- I have stated what I really am and I stand behind it.
- I have accepted myself as I am, where I am.
- I rediscovered the very foundation of my art and made them my cornerstone.
- I have forgiven myself my unfinished artwork and storylines.
- I have given myself the permission and freedom to work on the story I am most interested in.
- I have swallowed my pride and allowed myself to learn from other artists.
- I am not my problems. The supplies can be at fault. Research issues before blaming self. If at fault, forgive and learn.
- I am identifying and dropping bad art habits. BAH makes me a less productive artist.
- Just because it isn’t “the right way” doesn’t mean it’s the wrong way for me. Do what works, but keep an open mind.
See Anna, you are changing. 🙂